Wednesday, August 4, 2010


So, in effort to get up off the couch, and get moving I decided that I would start easing back into exercise this morning. I popped in Jillian Michael's "30 Day Shred" video. Uhm. Yea. I am exhausted. I didn't even finish the enitre 20 minutes before I felt like I was going to pass out! I stood up after doing crunches and couldn't maintain my balance. So, I decided that for today I will break up the 20 minutes of exercise, and finish up the second half later today.

I am hopeful that this will give me a little burst of energy today! Although, I'll admit, right now I feel like the end of the world is right around the corner! I just have to stay motivated. I know that soon enough, my body will be able to handle a full Jillian Michaels workout. For now, I will go at my own pace, and push myself a little harder every day. :)

Oh, and I lied earlier. I said I would have two eggs, with one yolk. I made 3 eggs, 1 yolk. I did share with Marlee though lol. She can help me cut my calorie intake, no prob!

With that, I will leave you guys with a little mantra that I am adapting into my life.

No excuses! Just do it.

I will let you know how that works out for me lol.

Back on the bandwagon...

Yep, its true. I am back. And as much as I want to say I am better than ever...that simply is not the truth. Lately, I feel way too out of control. My life seems to take lots of unplanned twists and turns these past few months, and in the midst of that, I have completely forgetton to take care of myself. Whats interesting, is that exercise and healthy eating always make me feel better about everything! So why is it so damn hard for me to just continue?! I wish I had the answer, not only for myself, but for my family. I let them down again and again as I fall back into my old routine.

A little update on everything. I started to fall behind when my husband was laid off from work (which is "normal" for us, he works on call at his employer, and they often don't have work through the summer months). Shortly after, we found out that our youngest daughter, Marlee, has anisometropic amblyopia, a visually disabling condition where one eye has extremely poor vision. I struggled with the idea that my child has never really SEEN the world around her. Everything, including my face, has just been a blur. It was a stark reminder to slow down, relax, and enjoy the beauty that life has to offer. Instead, my anxiety rose, and made doing that impossible.

Since then, it is one thing after another. My brother, Skyler, decided to come live with us. We don't have much to offer him physically, but emotionally I think he thrives here. The rules and boundaries that hes provided with here allow him to be a normal teenage boy, and have normal teenage boy expectations. Well, that is, until he got hit by a car riding his skateboard. Since the accident, my anxiety over him has skyrocketed. I am in a constant state of worry. Is he being safe? Is he making good decisions? Are his friends pressuring him to do things he shouldn't?

In reality, all this worry is just making me fatter, and more unhealthy. Aside from my anxiety, I had a migraine that scared me shitless. I suffered from these migraines during Marlee's pregnancy, but was hopeful that pregnancy caused them and I would suffer no more. No dice. I ended up in the ER, with loss of vision and numbness in my left hand and the left side of my face. All of that on top of the excruiciating headache. I am left to wonder what triggered it. Could it be stress? Could it be a imbalance of hormones?

Hormones. That brings me to my latest Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome diagnosis. Yep. My body, making itself fatter. Me allowing it to happen. What does this mean? It means that I need to work that much harder, push that much further to overcome this little demon known as obesity. But...

I CAN AND I WILL DO THIS! I have to. For my sanity. For my children. For my husband. For my brother. Most of all, for myself. I will push that much harder, I will go that much further. And I will tell you all about it right. here.

So, my goal for the day? Eat proportionatly sized meals. Stick to healthy fats, and throw the refined carbs and sugars out the window. Also, only unsweetened tea and water for me! Here's what I plan on eating to help me stick to that goal!

So far today, I have had a cup of tea, with a smidgen of raw honey to sweeten it. I have quite the sore throat this morning. For breakfast I will have two egg whites, with one yolk. As a snack I will make myself a protein shake, and chow down on some carrots. For lunch, I will have a salad of romaine lettuce, topped with veggies and canned tuna. My second snack will likely be a piece of fruit or a veggie. Dinner will be grilled boneless skinless chicken breast, with a roma tomato, basil, and mozzarella (easy on the mozzarella!) salad. Drizzled (very) lightly with basalmic vinegar and olive oil. Then another protein shake before bed.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Quote of the Day April 08, 2010

"We are what we repeatly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit"
- Aristotle
Really!? And here all this time I was thinking I just didn't have the guts to be excellent. PSHAW! I am excellent. I am capable. I will do it.

Whoa, what happened?

I am back. I need this outlet. I need to remind myself of this. I need the accountability. So, I am back, here to make my mark on this webpage.

I am right where I have been all along. I lost track of my vision for myself, my goals. School started, kids got sick, husbands needed their wives...all that jazz. I have to remember that other than a student, mom, wife, etc...that I am me. I am Amber Dawn. I am fat, and I need to be healthy. I am lazy, and I need to be motivated. I am sick, and I need to be well. I wasn't here, and I need to be.

As Marlee sits here next to me begging for easter candy, I am making a promise to myself, to come here once a day and post my feelings. Right now, I am determined to get through this. I know I can! If so many others can, I can. I actually was about 15 pounds heavier than I thought two weeks ago. Ready for some numbers? I was 315 pounds. I have gotten back down to 300 (give or take a few thanks to Easter, and yea, it was give a few). I am locked and loaded on my goal. 200 pounds. Well, 199 would be all the better, since I would be under 200 lol.

Note to self, thats alot of weight to lose. I feel very vulnerable putting it on paper, for the world to see (not that the whole world is reading this, but you know what I mean lol). But, its the only way to be and stay accountable. So, 315 was the past, 300 is the present, and 200 is my future. I am giving myself a year. Want to know what that means? I have to lose 2.1 pounds a week, consistently, for a year. That is the "healthy" recommendation. Ofcourse, I hope to lose more than that, in a smaller span of time, but as long as I keep my 2 pound a week promise to myself, then I won't get discouraged. Oh, and to lose 2 pounds a week, I only need to burn 1000 more calories than I eat. That isn't unreasonable in the slightest.

So, heres my outline. I will eat RIGHT, control my portions and exercise daily. Simple as that. I am considering using (a free calorie counting software) to help me out, but haven't made a final decision. I would love a body bug too, so we will see. I got a secret...I'll reveal that tomorrow :)

Saturday, September 5, 2009

A Productive Day

Today was fun. A day of cooking, a day of eating and spending time with some family. My brother in law's birthday was a couple of days ago. We decided to invite everyone over for chicken and rice, good stuff. I knew that I couldn't stick to my prepared meals, well I could have, but I didn't want to. But I did purposefully make grilled and baked chicken. Super yummy. I maintained my portion control though. I also just ate the grilled chicken breast, and stayed away from the dark meats I had made.

I am getting the hang of this, and how it is going to apply to my life. I am not anyone but myself, and this is only going to work if I allow myself some freedoms (as long as I am not taking advantage of those freedoms). I walked about 30 minutes today, about a mile. I need to get some tennis shoes so I can start jogging.

Fun times, fun times. I just have memories of playing high school volleyball, running the track in my spandex shorts in front of the varsity football team. My 15 year old cellulite jiggling in the wind. I was so mortified. Ever since, I have a hard time doing any sort of physical activity in a setting where other people may potentially see me. I really feel like everyone will just see some fat chick trying aimlessly to lose weight. I know I need to get over it, and work past it. And I will, but it will take a couple of rounds before I just don't care anymore. I need to focus on myself, and not so much on what other people think about me.

Back to the positive. I didn't drink anything but water today! Woo hoo for that! I do like to squeeze a lemon wedge in there for some flavor. I really like it. I also read cucumber water is pretty good, so I might give it a shot. Love cucumbers! I am really proud of myself. I am doing what I need to be doing to get where I want to be. Tommorow, I want to get to the gym. I finally got a key to my apartments gym, I just need to use it! Say a prayer for me.

Friday, September 4, 2009

In conclusion for today

Today was overall good. A nice dose of reality, and a little pinch of motivation. It was rough. I realized that this isn't just about knowing the information, its about the discipline it takes to set it into motion and make things really happen. I know that I can do it, but I need time to get there. Slow and steady wins the race. And quite frankly, its alot easier on my brain when I think about losing 5 pounds, then about the 125 I need to lose. Thats alot of pounds, I know. But 5 pounds isnt much. So, I will remain persistent and hopeful. I will get where I am going, even if it is at 5 MPH across the distance of the U.S.

It has been done. If anyone can do it, I can. I have overcome much harder obstacles in my life, only to come out on top of the situation. This is no different (other than the fact that this is not something being forces on me, I am able to make decisions with this). Just say another prayer for me, and I will be fine. No more excuses, no more lies. I am doing this for real this time.


Walking in the Rain

So, I decided that I would walk up to my mailbox (its about a quarter mile there and back) to burn some extra calories. I get up off my butt, get dressed, and ask Aleah if she wants to come with me. Ofcourse she does! Shes always up for some physical activity (I am blessed that way lol). So I get her dressed to come along. As were begining to walk out the door Aleah tells me that she wants to bring the umbrella. I told her no, it wasn't raining. There was no need for an umbrella...

Well, I was wrong. It WAS raining. At first, I caught myself getting upset, and not wanting to go anymore. I didn't want to get all wet and sticky, and heaven forbid I might get struck by lightening. Then I woke up, sucked it up, and I was determined to walk up and get my mail. I fed off of Aleah's excitement (I mean, this was the first time she ever got to use an umbrella, she was estatic!), and we went on our way.

It was fun! She was so cute walking with her umbrella. It consumed her and her little body. All I could see were her cute pink sandals and the bottom of her sundress. I asked her what color the rain was, and she said it was silver. I told her to hold her hand out, so she could catch some. She did, and she noticed that the rain was merely water. She just thought it was the coolest thing ever, and I thought she was the coolest thing ever lol. Here's a picture that I took on our way down there. It was so hard for her to hold the umbrella high enough so that I could see her face. You'll have to excuse the lousy quality, I just took a quick shot with my phone.